Forgiveness and Redemption
It has been a long time since I made any additions to my work at the Mission, and someone recently told me that my stories were interesting. The Lord has continued to work at the Mission, through me and through others. But really, the Mission is often a place where men make one step forward, and two steps back.
We are all victims of falling back into the sins from which we have been redeemed. The life of men in an environment such as a mission or a prison is often more extreme and visible than life in suburbia (though no less egregious in the eyes of the Lord). As a “dog returns to its vomit” or “a sow, after washing returns to wallowing in the mire,” so are we as we return to our lives of sin after having been cleansed by the blood of Christ.
One man who had been making good and wonderful progress in the Lord several months ago fell into his old ways of alcohol. It was a bit of a shock when we first heard—not that he turned to the bottle, but turned so far that he nearly killed himself. He remained in the hospital for over a week with complications which followed from his drunken binge.
Still, he returned to the mission, his normal self, almost as if nothing had happened. He had looked a little different—a reddening of his face, even a bit of weight gain, perhaps from his hospital stay and medications. But never a word was said to me, and I never said a word to him about what I knew. I told him that I had been praying for him, and gave him opportunity to say something, but it was clear he wanted to forget it all.
Two weeks ago news came that once again he had fallen into a drunken binge and was once again hospitalized. Once again he had nearly killed himself. But this time, I saw something different when he returned. He was ready to talk. It seems he was ready to confront his shame and his demons. Time will tell whether or not this is different, but there are certainly hopeful signs.
As I spoke with him, you could sense the shame—the guilt that he had. He had spent many hours, and many sleepless nights repenting, grieving, even weeping about what he had done.
Recently, I was talking to a friend about Psalm 103 and the marvelous promises of redemption and forgiveness which are found in it, and how badly many people need to hear about the unconditional forgiveness of the Father for all who would repent. When I said that “many people” needed to hear it, I stopped myself and said, “we all need to hear it.” All of us have real, and undeniable doubts about God’s love and forgiveness for us. And Satan would have no greater pleasure than to continue to accuse us, and to remind us of our sinfulness, which so easily traps us into a cycle of guilt, leading to feelings of unworthiness and withdrawal, and finally back into the vomit of sin.
This man who had fallen into his former way of life needed to hear the words of God for him. He needed (and needs) to dwell on the promises of God for forgiveness for him. In a flash of what I believe to be some empowerment from the Spirit of God, I was able to offer some of that grace from the words of Scripture.
From 1 John 1:9, “If you confess your sins, HE IS FAITHFUL to forgive you from ALL your sins, and to CLEANSE…to CLEANSE you from ALL unrighteousness,” I forcefully quoted to him with enunciation on these key words. And then other verses were flying to me. The words from Psalm 103 which I have been memorizing: “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and ABOUNDING in lovingkindness. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness to those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
It is my true and real conviction that it is Satan who brings us guilt. The Holy Spirit brings us conviction leading to repentance. Once we confess our sins (with a spirit of repentance), it is done. He forgives, and He does it immediately. There is no more power in that sin. We must destroy the lies of guilt which Satan places upon us, and claim the promises of God which we find in Scripture.
I laid hands on him and others gathered around so that we could pray for him. I think it was a meaningful time for him, and a glimmer of an opportunity for him to see the lovingkindness of the Lord for him.
A little bit later, there was another man who was there who comes to preach as well, and has more connections to this fallen man. I could sense a bit of his disgust—disgust that had been evident before, but also came out in his interaction with this man. All I really heard was a bit of a dismissive, “You made a bad choice…”
I don’t want to suggest that I am better than this other preacher, or even that he is wrong. He may be wrong, or he may not be. Perhaps this man needs a mixture of hard love, and redeeming and accepting love. But I do wonder if his reaction represented the love of the Father, or the Lord’s command to forgive 70 times 7 times.
Still, it seems to me that we can only walk in grace. We fall when we are dismissed and judged, sending us off to ourselves.
This man needs help. But I hope that I was able to give him some freedom from the guilt of sin as found in the marvelous promises of God.
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